As the top star of Polish women's volleyball, used to be the number 1 score of this team, but few people know Smarzek had to go through the bad time that recently, she shared in her letter.
Posting pictures of wearing shirts in black and white photos, this pass is very much. She shared photos of her Christmas holiday accompanied by a very long article.
She shared, although she still knew that she was holidays, she wanted to share with everyone the story of herself. It is now 5 years of marking from the first time she felt the panic attacks into her life.
She remembered the feeling of being misunderstood, forgotten by everyone. Over the past 3 years, she struggled with depression and it was like the shadow closely followed her in the darkest time.
Smarzek said: “I feel lonely, overwhelmed and helpless. Every day is a war. Sports – something that once brought me joy now becomes an endless torture.
I could not balance my depression and passion, now every time you go to the pitch is a gentle challenge for me. I have to force myself to practice, even bathing or eating breakfast becomes a difficult thing.
The fear of being assessed, the pretendable feeling and the lack of confidence in myself is what I go to me when I play. However, I know I have to fight, if not for sports because of myself.
In my mind, I thought of ending my career many times. Today, from the perspective of two years after I have the last suicide thoughts, I want to emphasize the importance of treating the spirit seriously as well as physical health in the sports world.
Each of us faces its own “demons” and openness in conversation that can save our lives. I am extremely grateful for being able to enjoy what you love, priority in life has changed and has new meanings. “
Polish volleyball star also wants to send to those who are facing problems like her that they are not alone, life may be beautiful right after the darkest moments.
Smazern's letter received a lot of empathy, sharing from colleagues and fans.